Let's Do Something Different

So you've been in a relationship with your man for a while and suddenly the whole "dinner, movie, and the weekly extracurricular activity back at the house" thing ain't cutting it for you. You want to be able to explore different things and places with the man you love. As a woman who loves variety, I'm constantly coming up with activities for us to enjoy so I thought I'd share with you.

1. Take a stroll around NYC

It's free, culture filled, and depending on the time of day, you'll find somebody being odd yet entertaining. Plus, you'll get a workout walking around.

2. Go to a poetry reading

There's nothing like spoken word. Usually these events are held in intimate settings and that can be a nice start to the evening.

3. Go out dancing

If you and your man have some skills on the dance floor, showcase them. Salsa, merengue, reggae, hip-hop, etc. there are plenty of clubs that you can go to. Cuba Libre is my personal favorite!

4. Have a picnic

It's summertime so what's more appropriate than having a picnic? Go to the corner store, get you and your man some sandwiches, drinks and snacks, grab a blanket and voila! A cheap way to eat with seating and a view of your choice!

5. Free concert series

One of the best things about summer in the city are the free concert series at parks across the 5 boroughs. You can check for these events by looking the New York Daily News or The Village Voice.

6. Wine Tastings (for the 21+ crowd)

If you enjoy wine, this is a nice way to become a connoisseur of sorts. They usually have these wine tastings in the suburbs (i.e. Westchester County, Long Island, etc.) so it could be a nice trip. Just remember don't drink too much especially if you're driving.

7. MAKE dinner TOGETHER

I hear a lot of guys complain about how women nowadays don't know how to cook. Well here's a way for a girl to learn (if she doesn't know how to) and a way to make something appetizing together...and heat things up in the kitchen!

8. Revisit your childhood

My boyfriend and I just did this the other day at Riverside Park and had a good time. Go on the swings, play in the sprinklers, etc. It definitely takes you back to a simpler time when you had all the fun and none of the responsibilities.

9. Visit a bed-and-breakfast

This is a variation of a hotel. It's a lot more cozy and homely. There are usually a handful of rooms in a bed-and-breakfast and each room is decorated in a special way. You can find a bed-and-breakfast in the suburbs or in the city. A nice spot I've been wanting to try is the Akwaaba Mansion Bed & Breakfast in Brooklyn (check it out at http://www.akwaaba.com/brooklyn/).

10. Go on a nightly cruise

If you both like being on the water, go on the Spirit Cruises line. These night cruises are usually 3-4 hours long and they serve dinner. Some of the cruises are themed like the HOT 97 Mister Cee Moonlight Cruise hosted by Angie Martinez (must be 23 and over) and the Hot Latin R&B Moonlight Cruise (must be 21 and over). For more info, go to http://www.spiritcruises.com/New-York/home.

Slim Thug's Philosophy on Black vs. White Women

So some people have been buzzing about this Vibe magazine article with Slim Thug and with good reason. In the article, Slim Thug talks about his reasons for being in an interracial relationship and while I'm cool with interracial relationships, I think his reasons have people in an uproar. Here's some excerpts from the article:

"It's hard to trust a Black woman because a lot of Black women's mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her - he gotta pay for this, he gotta pay for that, and if it ain’t about money then a lot of them ain't ****ng with him. If that’s what you’re here for then I don’t want to be with you."

"...[but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other ****."

"White women treat they man like a king and Black women feel like they ain’t gotta do that *****. Black women need to stand by their man more. Don’t always put the pressure of if I'm ******ing with you, you gotta buy me this and that."

From what he's saying, it seems as if he's not with this girl because he genuinely loves her, but because she does what he says. I've heard and seen many Black men make this a sole reason for dating White women which I think is the most ignorant reason to date anybody of any race. I know a lot of White women who aren't stereotypically docile towards men, Black, White, Latino, etc. and find that thinking offensive. So Slim Thug, you're not that damn hot to every White woman and not all of them are lined up to cook you food and wash your dirty drawers.

As a young Black woman, I am disappointed that yet another Black man chooses to reject the Black woman because of this stereotype. I'm not denying that there are Black women out there that are just looking for what they can get out of a man, but guess what? This isn't limited to just Black women either. Gold digging knows no color, guys remember that. Furthermore, I don't appreciate how yet again all Black women are all grouped as the stereotypical neck rolling, gold digging, finger waving, argumentative females. Yes, there are Black women like that, but if that's all you've been dating, then my man, that sounds like a personal problem. There are plenty of Black women that don't act that way and they can support their man without being a servant to them. I support my Black men (i.e. my father, uncles, my boyfriend, etc.) , but I don't support one that doesn't want to understand or support a Black woman's strength and intelligence while giving her the love that she needs. Now if you happen to fall in love with someone outside of your race, then that's all good too because love knows no color, but if you are actively seeking another woman of another race just because they're easy or they don't argue with you as much, then you never deserved a good Black woman anyway.

All They See is Paper Not Potential

Finally after weeks without my laptop, I'm back on the blog to discuss the wonderful world of dating. My friend requested that I write about dating and money so that's today's topic. Money is always one of the major dealbreakers in realtionships whether it's spoken about or not. Let's all face it: dating someone requires money. If you want to be able to eat out, go to the movies, go on trips, etc. you better have your finances straight or your woman will be telling you to call Tyrone. Now don't confuse this with the gold digger mentality because it's not; it's called being realistic. Now my friend thinks there's a difference between dating a man with money and dating a man with no money. I don't know if that's the correct way to phrase that particular topic because when it comes down to it, every financial situation is specific to each person. But I will say this: there is an immense difference a man's paper and his potential.

I'm in my early 20s, a recent college grad with loans to pay back, and trying to beat out virtually millions of other people for a job in today's market. I'm basically broke and I expect many other people to be in the same situation. I live a pretty comfortable lifestyle and while I aspire to have the finer things in life, it's not the ultimate life goal for me. Therefore, I don't expect my man to be making six figures at this stage in his life. If he does (legally of course), then that's cool, too. In terms of a relationship, many women look at a man's pockets because they're looking for what a man can give them material wise at that given time. I know many girls that wouldn't give nice guys that work, go to school, and are working hard to make something of themselves the time of day simply because they feel as if these guys can't immediately buy them things like clothes and jewelry. That's when girls go for the dudes that have money, but very little else to bring to the table. He may be lacking in the emotion department and not love you the way you deserve to be loved, he may control your activities by throwing it in your face that you depend on him for money, and the list can go on. So while money is nice, that's not keeping you warm at night!

As for the man with potential, the perfect example of this is President Obama. Before he became what he is today, when he was dating Michelle he didn't have a hefty bank account, nice car, and comfy job. In fact, Michelle was the one who had the leg up on him finance wise. She had a high paying job and was on the fast track to a successful, influential career. Instead of her turning up her nose at him, she went out him for his personality and the potential he had to be something in life. Fast forward years later and she's now the First Lady continuously supporting her man. What makes it even better is that she never lost that drive to support and better herself. So ladies, I would suggest you take the time to see a man's potential. Right now, dude might be going to school, saving up his money to get a car, working 2 jobs, whatever. If he's doing that and doing the best he can in the relationship to give you what you deserve emotionally, financially, and physically, then keep him. Stop looking for love through a man's wallet and look for it through his character and potential.

Making a List and Checking it Twice

So some of you might have tuned in last night to VH1's latest addition to the reality show circuit, "What Chili Wants." For those of you that didn't, it's basically about Rozanda "Chili" Thomas of TLC trying to find love. The catch is that she has a list of what she wants in a man. Here are some of the things she says she wants in a man:

1. He has to love God

2. He has to be gorgeous

3. He can't eat pork

4. He can't drink or smoke

5. He has to have a big package

6. He can only have a maximum of 2 baby mamas

Now she, like many other females, seem to be under this impression that making lists of all the qualities she wants in a man will help her find someone who fits every single item. Ladies, this is WRONG and STUPID! There is no such thing as a perfect man (or woman) that can fulfill 100% of your wants and needs. As Malik Yoba said in "Why Did I Get Married?" in relationships you're only going to get 80% of what you need, nothing more, nothing less. Therefore, you cannot expect one person to fulfill all your (outrageous) requirements.

Another problem with this list-making foolishness is that with the exception of wanting a God-loving man, her list is pretty shallow. While having a gorgeous man is nice, that shouldn't be a deal-breaker. What about other things (important things) that matter? What about his intellect?Is he financially stable? Does he show potential to be something in life (keep in mind ladies, this doesn't always equate to power and wealth)? If he has kids already, does he show the level of interest and concern for raising them right? These are things that you should be looking for. Yeah, you may have a man with a big package who can give it to you on a regular basis, but what if he has no job and sits on his behind all day not doing anything expecting you to take care of the house when you come home? Suddenly, size doesn't matter, does it ladies?

I'll admit I used to be part of the list-making crowd and I learned very fast that it was a bunch of crap. I had some shallow requirements and then one day, I came across a guy who fit all of them. I thought I found the jackpot. Problem was his personality was the absolute pits and he didn't treat me or love me the way I deserved. I had been so blinded by the superficial requirements that I put up with such mediocre treatment and I ended up feeling horrible and unloved. It wasn't until a couple of relationships and years later that I realized that there was something wrong with what I felt was important to have in a man. I did away with this checklist mentality and vowed that if I was going to be in a relationship, it was going to be with a man that cared about me, loved me, and wouldn't hurt me. It wouldn't be just because he wore the latest sneakers or had a gorgeous face and smile. Fast forward a little bit and I happen to be with someone who makes me very happy and has been doing so for the past 3 years. He's cute, smart, funny, but most importantly, he's able to give me what I need more than any past boyfriend could.

So ladies, I'm not saying to drastically lower your standards, I'm just saying you need to prioritize what's really important. Remember that all those superficial things can fade and that at the end of the day, they won't make up for the fact that he's lacking in important areas. Do me and yourselves a favor: get rid of those lists. Rip 'em up, burn 'em, whatever. Start deciding what's really important otherwise you'll find yourself by yourself...and being old and alone is so not sexy!

First Date DOs and DON'Ts

Okay, so you meet someone, hold a pretty decent conversation, exchange numbers, and then the big day comes up. No, not the wedding, the first date. The first date is almost as nerve-wrecking as an interview. Hell, it is an interview to some degree. It can either go really good or really bad. Now the question remains, what are some of the basic dos and don'ts of a first date? My girl, Veralyn (hey girl!) from SexReally.com had the same question on her mind as well and interviewed her friends to see what are the dreaded deal breakers, rules, and regulations of a first date. Check out her latest SexReally.com V-log!




Now there were definitely some good answers, but of course I have some of my own complete w/ some video examples:

DOs
1. Be clean (I'm a Virgo woman so that really counts w/ me, but I'm sure that counts w/ anybody...Your body odor or breath shouldn't get there 5 minutes before you do)
2. Be polite (I hate when people are vulgar and rude; it'll make me put you in your place)
3. Be honest (if you went to jail, have a kid, whatever, I'd rather you tell me upfront. Don't false advertise!)
4. Be yourself...there's nothing more refreshing than being around a person who's comfortable in their own skin. Besides, it'll give me a chance to see if our personalities complement each other.
5. Hold an intelligent conversation w/ me. Aside from finding out about each other's interests, let me know that you know what's going on around the world.
6. Take me out on an unconventional date...just as long as it's not hiking or has anything to do w/ bugs and rodents
7. Have fun and be funny...who the hell wants someone boring?
8. Bring flowers...try giving me something other than roses like lillies, orchids, tulips, etc.


DON'Ts
1. Like in a movie theater, please don't talk on your cell phone. Point blank, it's real rude. If it's an emergency, just excuse yourself; I'll understand.
2. Please don't talk about sex on the first date because it's a BIG turnoff. Who said you was gonna get some after the check?!

3. Don't monopolize the conversation w/ tales about yourself...if you want to hear yourself talk, go home and leave me out of it.
4. Don't show up drunk or high. You wouldn't do that in a job interview would you?
5. If the date goes well, don't blow up my phone the next day(s) asking me about my whereabouts. Don't be a thirstbucket because I'll purposely ignore you and you'll kill whatever good thoughts I had about you. Everything should be in moderation.
6. Don't come to the date w/ 100 questions regarding my Facebook page...can you say 'stalker'?

These are some of the things that make me tick, but all in all, first dates can either go well or awfully awry. In the end, you'll always have a story to tell your friends!

Relationship With Yourself...and God

After having a very insightful conversation with my father, I realized that we as a people don't necessarily pay enough attention to God; instead we pay attention to other relationships. Now it's a coincidence that it is Sunday, and while I'm no Bible-quoting kind of girl, it's something on my heart and mind so it can't hurt to blog about it a bit (obviously this isn't the 'Sensuality' part of Sense & Sensuality so I'm giving you a heads up before you continue reading). Now when it comes to relationships, God usually comes into the picture when a person prays for a good man or woman to come into his/her life. While that's all well and good, it doesn't do any good if you don't have a relationship with God. That's like asking someone you barely know for a big favor and then you leave them hanging after.

Honestly, having your own relationship with God isn't a bad thing and in my opinion, doesn't require weekly church attendance (although I'm sure God would appreciate it). I think one of the best parts of having a relationship with God is that you find out who you really are: your fears, your strengths, your weaknesses, who in your life means you well, etc. Of course, what comes with this newfound knowledge is doing something about it! For example, you come to the realization that you're a major grudge holder, a trait that is not God-like, then maybe you should take steps to change that. Maybe you've hurt a lot of people in the past by being selfish. The only way you can truly evolve as a person is by having that relationship with the man upstairs. Like a serious relationship with another human being, it is not a one-time thing; it takes work! You may achieve a level of understanding at one point in your life and be fine for a while, but before you know it, there's something else that tests you and you have a new set of struggles within yourself to overcome.

It's not easy, and no one said it was, but it's worth trying to understand. For once, take a step back and think about God as your lifelong guide. He may not reveal everything to you all at once, but that's the point of life...you gotta through it in order for it to be revealed to you.

V-Day Ideas

Valentine's Day is around the corner and some of you might have a hard time figuring out what you to get your significant other, what places to go, what to do, etc. so I'm compiling a list of the classic and not-so-classic ideas.

Date Ideas That Require Some Money:

- Restaurant (a unique way to decide where to go is by starting at your date's house and before you get to an intersection, flip a coin. Heads = turn right; tails = turn left. Stop at the first restaurant you see going in the direction picked)

- Movies

- Bars & lounges (*make sure it's someplace sexy and chic...fellas don't bring us to no sports bar!)

- Bowling alley

- Museum (if you two are into artsy stuff...personally, I LOVE the MoMA)

- Dancing (and I don't necessarily mean the club, either...like Ron Browz said, no cuffin' in the club gimme $20)

- Spa day for two

- Weekend getaway

- Comedy club (lighten up the mood w/ some laughter)

- Ice skating rink

- Indoor sports activity center (only if she's into that, otherwise it's a lost cause)

Date Ideas That Won't Break Your Pockets:

- Cook breakfast/dinner for your man or girl (* I opted for this as I know everyone and they mama is gonna be out at restaurants; to make it interesting instead of breakfast in bed, do dinner in bed)

- Plan a small intimate dinner party w/ other couples

- Rent some DVDs (in order to be fair to the fellas, don't get all chick flicks)

- Make a new dessert together ;)

- Play games (challenge each other's minds by playing chess or be creative and make up your own...take that last comment as you please)

- Do some form of arts and crafts (if you're in to that...personally I can't draw my way out of a paper bag so we won't be doing this.)

Other Ideas (I'm all about the sexy...if I wasn't my blog wouldn't be called Sense & Sensuality):

- Blindfold your partner and feed them

- Bubble bath and massage for two

- Do a scavenger hunt complete with items or phrases reminiscent of the relationship

- Watch a sexy movie (and no that doesn't always equate to porn)

- Write a poem for your significant other (and no, it doesn't have to rhyme)

*Here's a clip from "Let's Talk About Pep". Pep has a very sensual date. Fellas, take note!

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Soundtrack for the Evening (just some of my personal favorites):

- Chris Brown f/ Tank "Take My Time"

- Drake f/ Lloyd "A Night Off"

- Van Hunt "Seconds of Pleasure"

- Beyonce "Speechless"

- Maxwell "Bad Habits"

- Faith Evans "Soon As I Get Home"

- Marvin Gaye "You Sure Love to Ball"

- Michael Jackson "Lady In My Life"

- Jill Scott "All I"

- Robin Thicke "Teach U A Lesson"

- Alicia Keys f/ Drake "Unthinkable (I'm Ready)"

- Aaliyah "It's Whatever"

- Silk "Meeting In My Bedroom"

- Ashanti "Movies"

- Usher "Can U Handle It?"

- Raphael Saadiq "All I Ask of You"

- Tony! Toni! Tone! "Just Me and You"

- Sade "I Couldn't Love You More"

- Floetry "Say Yes"

Enjoy your Valentine's Day and remember to always stay SAFE! Use protection!