First Date DOs and DON'Ts

Okay, so you meet someone, hold a pretty decent conversation, exchange numbers, and then the big day comes up. No, not the wedding, the first date. The first date is almost as nerve-wrecking as an interview. Hell, it is an interview to some degree. It can either go really good or really bad. Now the question remains, what are some of the basic dos and don'ts of a first date? My girl, Veralyn (hey girl!) from SexReally.com had the same question on her mind as well and interviewed her friends to see what are the dreaded deal breakers, rules, and regulations of a first date. Check out her latest SexReally.com V-log!




Now there were definitely some good answers, but of course I have some of my own complete w/ some video examples:

DOs
1. Be clean (I'm a Virgo woman so that really counts w/ me, but I'm sure that counts w/ anybody...Your body odor or breath shouldn't get there 5 minutes before you do)
2. Be polite (I hate when people are vulgar and rude; it'll make me put you in your place)
3. Be honest (if you went to jail, have a kid, whatever, I'd rather you tell me upfront. Don't false advertise!)
4. Be yourself...there's nothing more refreshing than being around a person who's comfortable in their own skin. Besides, it'll give me a chance to see if our personalities complement each other.
5. Hold an intelligent conversation w/ me. Aside from finding out about each other's interests, let me know that you know what's going on around the world.
6. Take me out on an unconventional date...just as long as it's not hiking or has anything to do w/ bugs and rodents
7. Have fun and be funny...who the hell wants someone boring?
8. Bring flowers...try giving me something other than roses like lillies, orchids, tulips, etc.


DON'Ts
1. Like in a movie theater, please don't talk on your cell phone. Point blank, it's real rude. If it's an emergency, just excuse yourself; I'll understand.
2. Please don't talk about sex on the first date because it's a BIG turnoff. Who said you was gonna get some after the check?!

3. Don't monopolize the conversation w/ tales about yourself...if you want to hear yourself talk, go home and leave me out of it.
4. Don't show up drunk or high. You wouldn't do that in a job interview would you?
5. If the date goes well, don't blow up my phone the next day(s) asking me about my whereabouts. Don't be a thirstbucket because I'll purposely ignore you and you'll kill whatever good thoughts I had about you. Everything should be in moderation.
6. Don't come to the date w/ 100 questions regarding my Facebook page...can you say 'stalker'?

These are some of the things that make me tick, but all in all, first dates can either go well or awfully awry. In the end, you'll always have a story to tell your friends!

Relationship With Yourself...and God

After having a very insightful conversation with my father, I realized that we as a people don't necessarily pay enough attention to God; instead we pay attention to other relationships. Now it's a coincidence that it is Sunday, and while I'm no Bible-quoting kind of girl, it's something on my heart and mind so it can't hurt to blog about it a bit (obviously this isn't the 'Sensuality' part of Sense & Sensuality so I'm giving you a heads up before you continue reading). Now when it comes to relationships, God usually comes into the picture when a person prays for a good man or woman to come into his/her life. While that's all well and good, it doesn't do any good if you don't have a relationship with God. That's like asking someone you barely know for a big favor and then you leave them hanging after.

Honestly, having your own relationship with God isn't a bad thing and in my opinion, doesn't require weekly church attendance (although I'm sure God would appreciate it). I think one of the best parts of having a relationship with God is that you find out who you really are: your fears, your strengths, your weaknesses, who in your life means you well, etc. Of course, what comes with this newfound knowledge is doing something about it! For example, you come to the realization that you're a major grudge holder, a trait that is not God-like, then maybe you should take steps to change that. Maybe you've hurt a lot of people in the past by being selfish. The only way you can truly evolve as a person is by having that relationship with the man upstairs. Like a serious relationship with another human being, it is not a one-time thing; it takes work! You may achieve a level of understanding at one point in your life and be fine for a while, but before you know it, there's something else that tests you and you have a new set of struggles within yourself to overcome.

It's not easy, and no one said it was, but it's worth trying to understand. For once, take a step back and think about God as your lifelong guide. He may not reveal everything to you all at once, but that's the point of life...you gotta through it in order for it to be revealed to you.

V-Day Ideas

Valentine's Day is around the corner and some of you might have a hard time figuring out what you to get your significant other, what places to go, what to do, etc. so I'm compiling a list of the classic and not-so-classic ideas.

Date Ideas That Require Some Money:

- Restaurant (a unique way to decide where to go is by starting at your date's house and before you get to an intersection, flip a coin. Heads = turn right; tails = turn left. Stop at the first restaurant you see going in the direction picked)

- Movies

- Bars & lounges (*make sure it's someplace sexy and chic...fellas don't bring us to no sports bar!)

- Bowling alley

- Museum (if you two are into artsy stuff...personally, I LOVE the MoMA)

- Dancing (and I don't necessarily mean the club, either...like Ron Browz said, no cuffin' in the club gimme $20)

- Spa day for two

- Weekend getaway

- Comedy club (lighten up the mood w/ some laughter)

- Ice skating rink

- Indoor sports activity center (only if she's into that, otherwise it's a lost cause)

Date Ideas That Won't Break Your Pockets:

- Cook breakfast/dinner for your man or girl (* I opted for this as I know everyone and they mama is gonna be out at restaurants; to make it interesting instead of breakfast in bed, do dinner in bed)

- Plan a small intimate dinner party w/ other couples

- Rent some DVDs (in order to be fair to the fellas, don't get all chick flicks)

- Make a new dessert together ;)

- Play games (challenge each other's minds by playing chess or be creative and make up your own...take that last comment as you please)

- Do some form of arts and crafts (if you're in to that...personally I can't draw my way out of a paper bag so we won't be doing this.)

Other Ideas (I'm all about the sexy...if I wasn't my blog wouldn't be called Sense & Sensuality):

- Blindfold your partner and feed them

- Bubble bath and massage for two

- Do a scavenger hunt complete with items or phrases reminiscent of the relationship

- Watch a sexy movie (and no that doesn't always equate to porn)

- Write a poem for your significant other (and no, it doesn't have to rhyme)

*Here's a clip from "Let's Talk About Pep". Pep has a very sensual date. Fellas, take note!

VH1 TV Shows | Music Videos | Celebrity Photos | News & Gossip

Soundtrack for the Evening (just some of my personal favorites):

- Chris Brown f/ Tank "Take My Time"

- Drake f/ Lloyd "A Night Off"

- Van Hunt "Seconds of Pleasure"

- Beyonce "Speechless"

- Maxwell "Bad Habits"

- Faith Evans "Soon As I Get Home"

- Marvin Gaye "You Sure Love to Ball"

- Michael Jackson "Lady In My Life"

- Jill Scott "All I"

- Robin Thicke "Teach U A Lesson"

- Alicia Keys f/ Drake "Unthinkable (I'm Ready)"

- Aaliyah "It's Whatever"

- Silk "Meeting In My Bedroom"

- Ashanti "Movies"

- Usher "Can U Handle It?"

- Raphael Saadiq "All I Ask of You"

- Tony! Toni! Tone! "Just Me and You"

- Sade "I Couldn't Love You More"

- Floetry "Say Yes"

Enjoy your Valentine's Day and remember to always stay SAFE! Use protection!

Long Distance Relationships: An Added Effort or an Extra Chore?

Long distance relationships...for those that are in one, they know that it is not easy. Whether you and your significant other are schools apart, cities apart, or states apart, it is commonly known that it takes a little bit more to make the relationship work. The most minute things now matter the most and make a big difference in how the relationship plays out. One big factor is travel. Any long-distance couple that wants to be together knows that means coughing up some money, getting yourself together, and braving the wonderful world of public transportation or the highways. But despite all of that, it's worth getting to see and be with the one you love. However, we know that this isn't always the case. Ladies, have you ever been in this particular situation where your man seems like he rather get a damn root canal than travel however many miles to come see you? Does the pleading lead to the both of you arguing with nothing accomplished in the end? If so, I've been in your shoes before and I'm here to tell you: THAT'S A RED FLAG WAVING IN YOUR FACE! As my father told me when I was 16, when I was being young and dumb, if a man does not want to travel to see you, then it is very likely that you're not a priority. And as my best friend says, "don't make anyone a priority who makes you an option." Ladies, let's just be frank: either he doesn't want you or he has someone who's more accessible to him. If you find yourself in this situation, you have to really decide for yourself if it is even worth it because if you're the one that's putting out your hard earned money to travel and see him, but he's not, there is no real reciprocity. I know it sucks, but at the end of the end of the day, you have to look out for your best interests.

Now it's not to say that long distance relationships don't work because they absolutely can. I'm in one right now; we go to two different schools in two different states. Given that Philly, PA and Long Island, NY aren't necessarily too far away and that New York City is home to both of us, we have it easier than most, but we understood from the gate that there was going to be an added effort on both our parts. We spend weekends with each other, come to visit just because, etc. We have mature (I repeat: mature) conversations and work out school schedules, family holidays, etc. and I must say, it really has been a stress-free, headache-free thing to manage. However, I owe it to the frank conversations that my father and I have that made me realize that the premise of relationships, long distance or not, are work and that if one person isn't pulling their weight or 'sleeping on the job' then it's usually best to just let it go. So if you're in this particular situation, ask yourself: does he see this relationship as an added effort or just an extra chore?

Is a Good Man or Woman Hard to Find?

Tuesday was the first day of my last semester in undergrad. As usual, me and my girls went to lunch to catch up with one another. On the way to lunch, we came across an advertisement for a sorority sponsored activities week. One of the activities was a discussion titled "Is a Good Man/Woman Hard to Find?". We looked at it and decided that we were going to go. Fast forward to Wednesday evening and we're sitting by other college girls and across from college guys. To make a long story short, there was an open forum on topics like what makes a good man or woman, cheating, intercourse, dating, marriage, communication, divorce, etc. Both sexes raised some good and some not-so-good points and questions so here are some of the highlights.

• We as a society use the terms men and women very loosely so therefore a man may be looking to be with a girl who doesn't necessarily know what it means to really be a woman and vice-versa.
• Men cheat on good girls because a.) the sex is not good and they look to another chick to fulfill those needs b.) they're bored and have a lot of time on their hands or c.) they've invested so much in the relationship and cutting all ties seems a lot harder.
• When it comes to communication, women AND men go to their friends instead of their significant other because they feel as if friends have a better insight into the person and the situation.
• Friends' opinions can mess up relationships; they don't know that much.
• It is not really appropriate to ask the person you're dating how many partners they slept with; the truth can be ugly and the past shouldn't matter.
• A lot of people have unrealistic expectations in marriage and the moment they realize that marriage is hard work or not what they expected they file for it at the drop of a hat.
• The gender and racial stereotypes (i.e. Black women have attitudes, Latino women are professional caretakers, men all are macho) have some sort of truth, but because media shines a big light on these stereotypes, people think that they have to live up to them in some sort of way.
• The whole "nice guys finish last" holds true because women want guys (i.e. bad boys) that are more upfront...or so they think in the end.

Overall, it was a pretty interesting forum and it gave girls a chance to pick the brains of the guys and vice versa, but of course, the sound advice is only good if you decide to use it in your relationship. And depending on how you view things and how you approach the situation, a good man or woman is NOT hard to find!