Monday, April 12, 2010

Making a List and Checking it Twice

So some of you might have tuned in last night to VH1's latest addition to the reality show circuit, "What Chili Wants." For those of you that didn't, it's basically about Rozanda "Chili" Thomas of TLC trying to find love. The catch is that she has a list of what she wants in a man. Here are some of the things she says she wants in a man:
1. He has to love God
2. He has to be gorgeous
3. He can't eat pork
4. He can't drink or smoke
5. He has to have a big package
6. He can only have a maximum of 2 baby mamas

Now she, like many other females, seem to be under this impression that making lists of all the qualities she wants in a man will help her find someone who fits every single item. Ladies, this is WRONG and STUPID! There is no such thing as a perfect man (or woman) that can fulfill 100% of your wants and needs. As Malik Yoba said in "Why Did I Get Married?" in relationships you're only going to get 80% of what you need, nothing more, nothing less. Therefore, you cannot expect one person to fulfill all your (outrageous) requirements.

Another problem with this list-making foolishness is that with the exception of wanting a God-loving man, her list is pretty shallow. While having a gorgeous man is nice, that shouldn't be a deal-breaker. What about other things (important things) that matter? What about his intellect?Is he financially stable? Does he show potential to be something in life (keep in mind ladies, this doesn't always equate to power and wealth)? If he has kids already, does he show the level of interest and concern for raising them right? These are things that you should be looking for. Yeah, you may have a man with a big package who can give it to you on a regular basis, but what if he has no job and sits on his behind all day not doing anything expecting you to take care of the house when you come home? Suddenly, size doesn't matter, does it ladies?

I'll admit I used to be part of the list-making crowd and I learned very fast that it was a bunch of crap. I had some shallow requirements and then one day, I came across a guy who fit all of them. I thought I found the jackpot. Problem was his personality was the absolute pits and he didn't treat me or love me the way I deserved. I had been so blinded by the superficial requirements that I put up with such mediocre treatment and I ended up feeling horrible and unloved. It wasn't until a couple of relationships and years later that I realized that there was something wrong with what I felt was important to have in a man. I did away with this checklist mentality and vowed that if I was going to be in a relationship, it was going to be with a man that cared about me, loved me, and wouldn't hurt me. It wouldn't be just because he wore the latest sneakers or had a gorgeous face and smile. Fast forward a little bit and I happen to be with someone who makes me very happy and has been doing so for the past 3 years. He's cute, smart, funny, but most importantly, he's able to give me what I need more than any past boyfriend could.

So ladies, I'm not saying to drastically lower your standards, I'm just saying you need to prioritize what's really important. Remember that all those superficial things can fade and that at the end of the day, they won't make up for the fact that he's lacking in important areas. Do me and yourselves a favor: get rid of those lists. Rip 'em up, burn 'em, whatever. Start deciding what's really important otherwise you'll find yourself by yourself...and being old and alone is so not sexy!

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